Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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