Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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