That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
