Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
