Swine flu. Run for my life!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
