so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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