Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my being single is dangerous.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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