he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
