Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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