Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
