God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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