they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
