ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
