me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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