I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
