her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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