of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
