why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
