please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
