New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
