I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
