drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
