If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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