Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
