So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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