just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
