I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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