hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
