If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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