Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
where are you?
Hypothermia
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
