Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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