I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
