I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
