You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
