When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
