Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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