did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
did i just pee glitter
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
