Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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