Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
