Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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