I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
