I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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