I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
