Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
