We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
tell me about the fingering
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