Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
