I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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