Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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