my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
