yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
