Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
