just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
