He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize