So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
