I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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