I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
