I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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