He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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