The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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