Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
