I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
