Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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