ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
