hell yes lets make some ravioli
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
