and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
