i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
