I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
