i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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