cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
