What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
