we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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