I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
