she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
