he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
