I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
