just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
