So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
