I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
