I must be too annoying 4 u.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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