it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
