Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
