The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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